What Is Depression and How to Deal With It?

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You shouldn’t be thinking depression is some kind of weakness, or an ailment you should be ashamed of. If your brain works in a dysfunctional way, it is a symptom, not a cause. We are here to create something meaningful, but if it cannot happen for some reason, we think we cannot grow, and our needs and desires are not met. This can make us feel lost and completely powerless. 

Depression usually arises when no matter how hard we try something, we cannot change it. Therefore we can feel futile, or depressed. Everyone’s life is about relationships with family members, their spouses, or co-workers. And our relationships can greatly impact how we feel about ourselves, especially when we cannot change how we connect with others. We can do our best to make a relationship work, but if they are not willing to cooperate, it negatively impacts us. 

It causes low self-esteem, as it can give you the message that you are unworthy of others’ care and love, and they don’t have your best interest at heart. Nor would they collaborate with you in a given scenario. It can lead to anxiety, which could be the first stage of depression. But what is depression? It is when you hit this deep state of emptiness, but you don’t fully give yourself over to it, as a part of you is trying to resist it. 

Whatever You Resist Persists

This part of yourself which is trying to hold on to that dark place so much makes you depressed. 

Chances are, you insist on something to happen one specific way so much, in a way that you want it to be, that you won’t give up on that image. What makes you exhausted in the long run is how you resist letting go, and losing out on something, even if it is in vain. What’s more, it also makes you stuck in futility. Because whatever you resist, persist. 

The problem with depressed people is that they like to give a good reason why they cannot cut their losses. But if you are depressed, the best way to get out of your misery is to realize that you have a choice. Usually, it is the mind’s trick to believe you cannot do something because you feel like losing out on something big time. But if you are so afraid of losing, it can make you stuck and feel powerless forever. 

​​Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash

So what if instead of holding on to something unavailable, you accept the fact that you cannot change it? And how about those people who choose to be depressed instead of committing suicide? Being depressed is shockingly an effective way to avoid suicide. Why? Because the majority of people think if they would stop resisting and instead really accept futility, they would accept that what they truly wanted in the first place will never happen. 

When Future Stops Existing 

When someone suffers from chronic depression, they think what they want to get or achieve can only happen in one way, and no alternative ways. It is like expecting love and a relationship from only one person in your life, thinking you only want them, and if they won’t love you, you don’t want anyone else. But you should realize that there are many other ways for the subject of your desire to manifest in our universe of unlimited potential. 

At this stage, for your best interest, you should recognize your commitment to the impossible. Depressed people tend to suppress their feelings after realizing what they have been working so hard to get, it does not happen. They tried everything multiple times, many times involving their networks, for many years, in vain. What happens then, these people going through so much trial and error, will think why give something their best, when nothing changes? 

This kind of suppressing emotions differs greatly from generally suppressing feelings. It is a feeling of giving up, knowing there’s no point in pushing forward anymore. At this point, we should also mention the reason why childhood depression is so frequent. It is similar to imprisonment, no matter how much we oppose thinking about it in this way. So long as some of your needs are catered for, even if many of them are dismissed, you are held captive in a way. 

Supportive vs. Unsupportive Parents

If your innate needs as a child can be met or not, are completely dependent upon your supportive or unsupportive parents. And I don’t mean food, clothes, and shelter in the first place. Most of us get those as our basic needs for survival. Emotional support is another question. The trouble is if you are prone to depression, and your emotional needs aren’t satisfied, your depression can get even worse. 

Because if you cannot accept that something will not happen and is futile, and to stay in that mode and feed it, you have to betray a part of yourself. So your internal discomfort will stem from not accepting that something will never happen the way you desire it to be. And how would you feel if someone betrayed you? Angry. The same goes for staying in a futile situation in which you betray yourself by adapting to it. The betrayed part of you wants to kill you…

People who suffer from depression are always in two extreme states. On one hand, they are lacking the awareness of free will, on the other, free will pains them constantly. Most people who suffer from depression feel like they need to get away from other people and circumstances to create what they want. It also means they want to control the uncontrollable conditions. And when they cannot control those things they feel unworthy. 

Depressed People and Free Will

They know well that free will exists. They can also see how others use their free will to manifest things. Depression comes from a feeling that no one is willing to create your version of feeling-good life. Chances are, you even feel like people are against your best interest. And probably you loathe them for it. Why? Because they hurt your feelings. It can seem like no one seems to want to consider your best interest in a way to co-create a life that feels good to you. 

But if you are awaiting the breakthrough from others regarding doing things that are best for you, you probably aren’t doing the same things for yourself, and you cannot even see it. It is the pain of waiting and waiting for futility to change one day. But as the years are passing by, what you can see is that it is proved to you repeatedly how futile the situation you desire to change is. Then, you look around you and can see yourself being the only one in this painful futile space. 

So now you beat yourself up even more thinking something must be very wrong with you since you cannot find your feeling-good space in life. And everybody else seems to have their fair share of happiness, except you. But because you care about this issue to such an extent, you know that little temporary things that give you happiness are not going to last and make your situation better long term. 

Depression as a Relationship Dysfunction

Most people don’t want to admit that they are stuck in a futile situation because of the relationships in their lives. They would prefer to put it down to how they feel. But if you focus on the chemical imbalances of your mind and how you could fix that, it is a coping mechanism. If you want to be honest, you would admit that it feels more empowering and less futile to focus on things you could improve in your mind, than to fix the relationships in your life. 

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

This could especially be true when you are surrounded by people who are unwilling to cooperate for your mutual happiness. What about death? The other form of slipping into depression often happens when people lose someone. It also counts as a relationship dysfunction. Because there is a mourning process, and it takes time to accept and digest that we lost a beloved one. It also takes a while to accept this kind of futility. 

We are upset, feeling lost, and at times let down, because the other person dies. This person cannot collaborate with you anymore and create the type of life you wanted together. Sometimes people choose to cooperate because they feel sorry for you and want to help you. We can always sense this kind of support out of pity. Other helpful tools could be antidepressants, of which many people feel worse at first until they find the right kind. 

Just like with any other medication, the side effects can be quite bad. Besides, it’s best to use your inner wisdom to heal. Breathing techniques, frequent exercise, and building a supportive network are key.  

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