Intimacy In the ‘Dry Life’: Navigating Sober Sex in the UK’s Drinking Culture

It’s safe to say that the UK has a complex relationship with drinking. The pub is a place many people see as the centre of their social life. More than that, alcohol is the catalyst for relationships, easing our anxieties and removing our inhibitions so we can chat, dance, kiss, and have sex without feeling self-conscious.

As more people choose to go sober or cut down on their drinking so that it’s an occasional treat rather than a weekly or daily necessity, this creates friction. If you’ve relied on booze to meet people and be intimate, removing it from the equation might make romance harder to kindle and more awkward when you do get to the bedroom.

So, what can you do about it? The right approach will be different for everyone, but here are some top-level tips to ensure your sex life doesn’t suffer when you go sober.

Get Help If You Need It

First and foremost, it’s important to accept that getting sober can be a mountain of a task in its own right. And alcohol isn’t the only substance we can use as a crutch. The fall in Britain’s booze obsession has been counterbalanced by the rise in the use of other drugs like ketamine, for example.

If you are stuck at the first step of stopping drinking or taking drugs, getting professional help is wise. For those facing alcohol issues, speaking with your GP will point you towards local resources. If you’re dealing with dependency on another substance, there are also support options out there. For instance, services offering detox treatment for ket can provide you with a clearer, more structured path to sobriety.

Attend Sober Events

Alcohol and sex tend to be more closely intertwined when the context in which we meet potential partners is unavoidably booze-based. The pub and the club, therefore, might be worth avoiding if you want to be intimate without being inebriated.

Instead, look for singles events that are specifically designed to be drink-free, rather than fuelled by free drinks. More and more of these are popping up nationally, particularly in big cities like London, Birmingham, and Manchester. Basically, when your first interactions begin in a sober state, it’s much easier to stay that way as things progress.

Be Honest

This advice applies whether you’re looking for casual hook-ups or handling an existing relationship with a partner while trying to stay sober. Don’t keep your intentions to yourself. Tell the other person that you’re not drinking or taking any substances, and that this is important to you.

You don’t need to go into the whys and the wherefores, but having this groundwork in place will prevent lots of the potential awkwardness.

Look Forward to Sober Sex

Last but not least, you can afford to be excited by the prospect of having sex sober, especially if it’s not something you’ve done often in the past, if at all.

The prospect of feeling so much more present and connected to the person you’re with, rather than it all passing by in an alcohol-addled haze, should make it fun and exciting, not intimidating. Be kind to yourself, take your time, and the rest should fall into place.