How to Recognize an Abuser

Updated on October 23, 2020
The hatred behind some violence - Cindy Chan Psychology Services

Many people continue to stay in abusive relationships and can even consider them normal. Both men and women can act in a toxic way and poison the joined life that once seemed a fairy tale. Let’s try to figure out what an abusive relationship is and how to recognize an abuser. 

You are forced to stay silent 

In a pair where one of the partners acts as a dictator for the other, there will never be a mutual understanding. Do they express jealousy towards you but use a  Russian dating site  themselves? Relations in which the opinion of one of the partners is not taken into account will not bring happiness in any way, and the fear of saying something superfluous, doing something wrong, can generally lead to psychological disorders. 

If this is very similar to your relationship, and the partner does not hear you and does not take into account your opinion, they will not change, and you will not teach them how to be normal. It’s better to end such a relationship soon; it could get worse. One day they will ban you from maintaining a conversation with friends, claiming that all their words sound stupid and disgrace your beloved. Such a partner’s attitude leads to the complete destruction of your self-esteem; you will avoid communicating with acquaintances, work colleagues, and slowly close inside. 

Gaslighting method 

Perhaps you have heard about this manipulative technique. Or you may have never heard about it, but your partner used it in communication with you. Your beloved may not be even aware of this new term used for describing such manipulations but apply the method to you. Here is its essence. When you begin to talk to a person about what happened, for example, you quarreled, they will deny it as if distorting your reality.  

They will convince you that you perceived everything wrong with such confidence that you will begin to agree with them, doubting yourself. All would be fine, but over time, when they increasingly make you question all your actions, your self-confidence slowly degrades. Again, why do you need relationships that are negative in your life and can disrupt your mental state? Such manipulations make you lose the sense of reality and literally make you go crazy. 

No personal boundaries 

There are cases when a person still feels that their personal boundaries are violated, and they dislike such behavior of a partner. But the victim continues to stand still and cannot take measures against an abuser. The obeying partner would like to break free bt something stop them — low self-esteem and lack of confidence. If your partner constantly gaslights, you may even believe that the problems are in your head, and you just overthink. Such a person will not be able to resist. 

Sometimes you may not even suspect that the partner is viewing your calls and letters but to feel total control intuitively. Abusers do not like rebellions, and your resistance will only make them tighten the grip of control. 

“Innocent” joke 

People who have entered into a relationship, after some time become truly family, and know the shortcomings of each. But if a partner in a conversation somehow unpleasantly can hurt you, mentioning a flaw, and in case of offense say that it was a joke and you got them wrong, and this is not an isolated case, this is a toxic relationship. Yes, the ability to laugh at oneself is good. But if a person crosses the line every time and hurts you, is this healthy love? 

Partners who really love each other, value their relationships, try to help each other cope with complexes, support in difficult situations. But they do not use weaknesses for any of their manipulations or even an innocent joke. Constant pointing out on the weak spot in the form of a joke erases the trust. You feel that you cannot tell this person about your failures because you will receive just shaming and new reasons for putting you down. 

If suddenly you notice such actions in relation to yourself or others, try to minimize communication with these people. Otherwise, sooner or later the abuser will find a strategy to influence you, and you can become dependent. 

The Editorial Team at Healthcare Business Today is made up of skilled healthcare writers and experts, led by our managing editor, Daniel Casciato, who has over 25 years of experience in healthcare writing. Since 1998, we have produced compelling and informative content for numerous publications, establishing ourselves as a trusted resource for health and wellness information. We offer readers access to fresh health, medicine, science, and technology developments and the latest in patient news, emphasizing how these developments affect our lives.