Breaking the Stigma – Understanding Self-Harm

People who self-harm often feel like no one will understand. You don’t have to tell someone in person; you can send them a letter or an email.

Counseling can help you discover why you self-harm and find new ways of coping with difficult feelings. Counseling is available through your GP or other mental health professionals.

What is Self-Harm?

Self-harm is any act of intentionally hurting yourself. It can include a variety of behaviors such as cutting, burning, scratching and consuming toxic amounts of alcohol or drugs.

Typically, patients engage in self-harm to relieve emotional pain and distress. They may also use it to punish themselves, to take out their anger or to feel more control over their lives. People who self-harm often begin the behavior in their teens or young adults, which can become a long-term pattern.

Several warning signs indicate a person is engaging in self-injury, including fresh cuts, scratches, bite marks and scars. Other warning signs can be seen in a person’s behavior, such as avoiding social situations and wearing long sleeves and pants even in warm weather or attempting to cover areas where they are usually cut with bandages or accessories.

While the intention of a person who self-harms is not to kill themselves, they are at a higher risk for serious complications like major depression, drug and alcohol addiction and suicide. Getting help for self-harm can reduce those risks and give people alternatives to harmful behaviors. Various programs are available to address self-harming behaviors and assist individuals in understanding self-harm to discover appropriate coping mechanisms for their feelings. These treatments can include psychotherapy (talk therapy), medications to treat underlying conditions and psychiatric hospitalization or day cure if needed.

Why Do People Self-Harm?

Many people who self-harm use the behavior as a way to cope with painful feelings of emotional distress. These feelings may include desperation, emptiness, guilt, shame and hopelessness. They can also feel overwhelmed and uncontrollable, and the behavior gives them a false sense of relief in the short term. However, it is not a sustainable way to deal with these feelings and can often lead to bigger problems in the long run, such as major depression, substance misuse or even suicide.

People who self-harm may be secretive about their behavior and hide sharp or dangerous objects from family members, friends, or anyone they think might find out. This can make it hard for them to get the care, understanding and support they need to recover. In addition, the time spent on self-harming behaviors may take away from other healthy activities such as face-to-face social interactions, physical activity and homework.

The reasons for self-harm can be complicated and personal, and people’s motivations differ. However, some common themes are: to relieve painful feelings of emotional distress, to break through a sense of numbness, to punish themselves, or to express anger and frustration. For some, it is a way to show they are alive or demonstrate strength and resilience. Others may fear admitting they are struggling or worry that they will be judged.

How Do I Stop Self-Harming?

It is important to get help and support if you self-harm, as there are short- and long-term risks. For example, some people who self-harm can experience medical complications such as infections or nerve damage, and they may have scarring that affects how they look. Self-harm can also impact relationships with friends and family and make someone feel embarrassed or ashamed, especially if they hide their injuries.

Talking about how you self-harm someone you trust is the first step to getting support. It might be hard to start this conversation, but it is worth it. Many young people who self-harm say they feel relief at being able to talk about it. It can also be a good opportunity to learn about what they’re feeling, such as sad, angry or isolated, and to find new ways of dealing with these feelings without harming themselves. Counseling is a good way to explore these feelings and is available through your GP.

Other young people who self-harm say they use ‘distraction techniques’ to reduce or stop self-harming. This could be anything from talking to a friend to drawing or using music to help them cope with their feelings. Often, just realizing that self-harming isn’t a good coping mechanism is enough to change a person’s behavior. They may need to try different strategies before they find one that works for them, and there can be relapses.

What Can I Do to Help Someone Who Self-Harms?

If you know someone who self-harms, try to be supportive and help them find a way to deal with their pain without hurting themselves. This may involve finding a health professional specializing in self-harm, but you can also talk to your loved one’s GP. They can assess the person for underlying mental health conditions and help with other coping strategies.

It cannot be easy to know what to say or do. Many people who self-harm feel ashamed and believe they should be able to cope independently, but it is a very serious and treatable behavior. The person who self-harms often will not tell anyone and hide any injuries from family and friends to avoid detection. It can be very distressing to see someone injuring themselves, and it is important to respect their privacy and not hover or pry.

The person who self-harms will probably have to face many questions about why they are hurting themselves and their motivation. Thinking about how you will answer these questions before having the conversation can be helpful. It might also be beneficial to write down what you want to say to have a plan in case you get nervous or cannot speak.

If you tell someone, remember that it is normal for them to react with shock, anger or fear. This does not mean they do not love or care about you; it is just their way of responding to a stressful and painful situation.